Let’s imagine just for a moment that worst feeling, moments or period in our lives. I know it’ll make all of us uncomfortable but just try. We all have faced it. It’s something that is common among us, the fact -that we have all gone through the pit hit rock bottom in our lives that made us want to quit. These moments have made us filled with despair made us believe that it’ll never be the same again. Do anyone of us remember how we got through it? Our friends and family may have helped us but the most important thing we have to realize is that we went into the storm and returned in one piece. We all are fighters. Let’s take a moment to Pat yourself on the back and see how far you have come from that phase of your life. What also made all of us go through that phase is that we never stopped hoping. Hope is that feeling, that last reserve of energy, that last candlelight that helps us guide through life even when we have lost everything in our lives. Hope really is that light at the end of the dark, scary tunnel that puts a smile on our face. It is that feeling that urges us to get up and walk again when we fall on our way to life.
Hope and fear (and love if it exists) according to me are the two most powerful emotions in the whole universe. Yes, the whole universe. These 2 emotions have the power to create an impulse or energy within human beings that strive them to do ‘anything’. Now, anything can have both the consequences as I don’t know but, hope & fear unlock a certain potential hidden deep within us that’s just a very indecipherable phenomenon. I have always believed that in the 21st-century human beings have accomplished so much in their lifetime, conquered the world, discovered new vaccines, improved standard of living, education, health, nutrition, income, etc. We all have reached the skies, stared into the stars and hoped that someday we’ll get there too. When human beings are hopeful they can do anything. On the other hand, there’s a similar thread in us that creates a sort of hellish behavior in us. Wars, accidents, crimes, torture, rape, anarchy, chaos, pollution, global warming, genocide, etc. The list is endless about how horrible human beings can be when they get a taste or a whiff of fear in them. They can go to extreme lengths to hurt people to get what they want at any cost to other living creatures. I guess it’s true: there are heaven and hell. It exists right here on our planet Earth. The same thread that takes us to the stars is the same thread that takes us down to hell.
I remember I was in a tight spot after I failed a certain important exam, that supposedly would have changed my life if I would have cleared them, and was distraught when a friend of mine said the exact words I needed that time “It’ll be alright. Everything will work out”. Those words were soothing and instilled in me the confidence that was required for me to go on. According to me, hope means a lot of things. It’s not a normal word but it has layers that convey a lot that we credit it to.
Hope sometimes is a personification of a person. Hope can be a person. It’s that person that is there at your times of need, says the right thing at the right time, doesn’t judge or blame you. That person stays with you through thick and thin never once doubting your potential and pumping you with confidence whenever you have a bad day. There are a lot of people in your lives. I always believe that the people we surround ourselves with are like light bulbs. There are some people that we feel will show us the light when darkness envelops us but during that time they aren’t working or are faulty. There are some people that radiate a translucent light that helps us feel comfortable for some time. While the best friends are like the strongest 100 Watt bulbs that illuminate our path towards the darkest crevices and corners that we face.
Hope is life. Yes, hope creates a comfortable blanket around us by creating a feeling that we have to go on. Don’t quit, try. Life has meaning only when we hope that things will be better and if we are facing our darkest nights there’ll be dawn soon. Human beings need that assurance to help them get through it because if we believe that things will always be the same there’s no point trying. Most of the things we have achieved throughout history are because we hope. We hope that we’ll get through it. We hope that we can do it. We hope that things shouldn’t always happen the same way. We hope for creating a better world. Hope is what gives life some purpose. It’s very difficult to continue through your life if you don’t have a set of purpose in life- a set of personal goals that you wish to accomplish during your finite time. Hope is that candle that keeps on burning despite the storms. It keeps us warm.
The funny thing about hope is that it has a flip side too. Hope and fear are ironically the 2 different sides of the same coin. The damage that too much hope can do needs to be analyzed as well. Hoping too much creates expectations. Expectations are a natural couple of feelings that are formed from hope. HOPE serves as a base for expectations to gestate. Let me give you an example that reflects how expectations can lead to complications. Imagine you see someone- attraction and infatuation towards that person envelopes your feelings. Emotions and feelings create expectations. Now, expectations are the aura that any feelings emit. When you become attached to any person romantically or not, you form expectations about that person. These expectations are usually regarding the future. Human beings expect a lot of things from other human beings especially from people they form a bond with. Now, these expectations are formed in isolation without any consultation with the person whom you expect to behave or act in a way you deem prudent. The greater the bond the greater the expectations we form. It’s a very natural phenomenon which happens quite unintentionally and unconsciously. When that person doesn’t tread the same path as we expect them to, our expectations shatter into a thousand pieces! We are disappointed by the fantastical hopes, desires, and dreams that we have formed due to the expectations. It takes us down to the downward spiral of disappointment, regret, and guilt which often can lead to a rupture in that relationship. And we fail because we have formed so many expectations.
Life’s not easy for any of us. I’m not saying don’t form expectations as we can’t control it. My point of view is that human beings are flawed creatures that behave differently in different situations. The problem is if ‘A’ expresses by gifting stuff he/she expects that his/her friend ‘B’ to reciprocate in the same way. We form a straight line and we expect people to tread in the same given line and we know it is not possible. Your sadness has gestated because you expected B to express in the same manner. No, it doesn’t happen that way. This is like expecting people to be just like you and to behave and act within the ring of expectations formed by you. This is the most common faux pas we make in forging relationships.
Expectations also create a false sense of entitlement and possessiveness in us when we feel that our friends and family’s lives should revolve around us. They should be always present with us when we ask them to. We expect them to be always available and when it doesn’t happen we start doubting them. The most difficult fact to accept is that we aren’t the center of our universe. We should realize that everyone is entangled in their own lives as it is and it isn’t possible for people to always make time for us. Expectations create that illusion of the omnipresence of the people closest to us. We expect them to be always present during our hard times and when they don’t we penalize them harshly. Now I know it can be subjective based on people’s experiences as there are people who are never present in times of need but I’m talking about the people who are closest to us. We always put them in the altar burdening them with super expectations which they may not always stand up to.
One of the most beautiful things we can do is not expect too much. Yes, it’s not that easy. Limit your fantastical expectations and weight them under the scales of practicality, logic and common sense. You will find your solutions if you would just open your eyes and not be awed by any person if they react or express in a manner that doesn’t fall in line with your expectations. They are unique. They make different choices and decisions that sometimes may hurt us but they are not us.
I have seen that I’m the happiest when I just go with the flow and not expect anything from a person. It’s not a business deal that we invest in people and expect a return. People who matter to us will in their own eccentric or strange ways make us feel special. Give people time and space. When you start expecting less you’ll be amazed at how much content you are as everything you receive is a surprising gift and everything you lose a lesson. Life Is ever-changing and people change also if we just keep ourselves constant accepting the fact that everything that cannot be controlled shouldn’t concern us I guess it’ll help us more in our self-enrichment. The only thing in life that’s constant is, how we behave and how we act to a situation. Keep yourself calm and patient while letting other things change. Let’s try to keep our expectations in our hands rather than in the hands of people that are of volatile and uncontrollable nature. And if we really want to create expectations why not have expectations for our own self. We can expect us to be better. We can expect the same things we expect others to do for us helps ourselves to strive better and lead a balanced life of goodness. I think the best form of expectations that’s controllable and really help us are our own expectations from our own self.
Hope is the best thing to happen to us and I guess we just have to care how to use it effectively that it enriches us rather than embittering us.
The Distorted Mind 